Let’s be honest: a lot of well-meaning leaders are scared to say the wrong thing. They care about creating inclusive, equitable, human-centered workplaces. They want to get diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEIB) “right.” But that desire—while good-hearted—often gets tangled up in the fear of fumbling. So they freeze. Or delegate. Or retreat into polished statements that sound safe but don’t move the needle.
And I get it. I’ve been that leader, and believe me, nobody wants to be the one who messes up and makes someone feel unseen—or worse, harmed. But here’s the thing I want to say, especially to the executives and managers trying to do the right thing:
You don’t have to be an expert to show up. You just have to be willing to practice.
If you’re in a leadership role, you are already shaping culture—whether you mean to or not. The question isn’t “Am I influencing this?” The question is, “How aligned is my influence with the kind of world I want to help build?”
The Pressure to Get It Right
In the same way a gardener doesn’t expect every seed to sprout or a chef knows not every sauce turns out perfect on the first try, leading with equity and inclusion is a practice, not a checklist or a performance.
In many workplaces, though, it still feels like a performance. There’s so much pressure to use the right words, take the right stance, represent every voice, to avoid conflict, and still somehow never make a mistake. That pressure ultimately shuts people down. It keeps leaders from showing up with real honesty, vulnerability, and willingness to learn. For many leaders, that pressure doesn’t lead to better inclusion—it leads to fear. That fear keeps us small. It tells us to hold back until we’ve read all the books, hired all the consultants, passed the audits, and scrubbed every word clean of risk.
Fear builds walls between our intentions and our impact.
Instead of building walls, we can build bridges by practicing and developing traits like curiosity, humility, and courage. These aren’t traits you either have or don’t have. They’re muscles, and they grow stronger when we use them.
So what would it look like to lead from your values instead of your fear? What would it mean to treat equity and inclusion not as something you perform but as something you practice?
Try This: Practice Listening for What’s Missing
If you want to start showing up for DEIB in a meaningful way—but you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing—try this:
Spend one week in listening mode, not for what people are saying but for what’s missing.
During meetings, conversations, or decision-making moments:
- Whose voices are leading the conversation?
- Who’s in the room—and who’s not?
- Whose ideas are getting acknowledged or acted on?
- What lived experiences or perspectives aren’t being represented?
- Are there patterns around who speaks up and who stays quiet?
You don’t need to fix anything right away. Just observe, note, and reflect. This kind of intentional noticing is a quiet but powerful practice. It builds awareness, and over time, it shifts the way you lead. It’s low-risk but high-reward. It helps you lead with your eyes open—noticing systems, gaps, and patterns you might otherwise overlook.
If you want to take it one step further, try inviting someone you trust into the reflection process. You might say something like:
“I’ve been trying to get better at noticing whose voices we tend to center in our work. Have you noticed any gaps I might be missing?”
That’s it. No fanfare. No grand gestures. Just genuine curiosity and a willingness to learn.
From Fear to Flow
There’s nothing wrong with not knowing. The trouble comes when we stop ourselves from even trying. A little safe-to-fail experiment like the one above can help to illuminate what’s possible, and the next step is, well, to keep facing your fear and keep practicing. This is, in my experience, very hard to do on one’s own, without a thinking partner who can challenge my fears and help me explore paths to get beyond them. For me, this is where coaching comes in.
Coaching helps leaders move from performing inclusion to embodying it. It’s not about polishing up your talking points—it’s about tuning into your own humanity in order to better connect with others.
Yes, fear is a persistent beast, and even with coaching, you’ll still mess up sometimes. We all do. But when your intention is genuine and your commitment is steady, mistakes become opportunities. And each one helps you lead with more depth, more honesty, and more heart.
Coaching as a Practice Ground
If someone were to bring this topic into a coaching session with me—the fear of getting DEIB wrong—I wouldn’t offer a checklist or advice. That’s not what coaching is about. My role isn’t to point to the “right” answer. It’s to help uncover what’s already stirring inside the leader—what they value, what they fear, what they’re ready to face.
Coaching offers a practice ground for that kind of work. It’s a space to slow down and ask real questions. It allows space for curiosity about what’s beneath the fear and creates room to notice where courage might already be waiting, just under the surface.
In a session like that, we might explore:
- What values are calling you forward right now?
- What’s the story you’re telling yourself about what will happen if you mess up?
- What would it look like to move forward with care, even if you’re still learning?
These questions don’t produce instant clarity. Instead, they create the conditions for insight—often the kind that shift not only what a leader does but how they show up in their everyday relationships and decisions. Practicing inclusion in a real and meaningful way is not a one-time event or a perfected stance. It is a commitment to returning, again and again, to our shared humanity—and choosing to lead from that place.
What we’re doing, ultimately, is expanding your capacity to hold complexity, to invite feedback, to repair when needed, to act even when facing the unknown. We talk about how leadership isn’t about knowing everything—it’s about holding space for growth for yourself and for others. When leaders develop that capacity, organizations change, not just in policy but in culture, in spirit, and in soul.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, scared, or unsure of where to begin, reach out. Coaching isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about learning how to lead from a deeper place. One that trusts your ability to keep growing.
Let’s grow together. Schedule a free discovery session today.
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