Something shifts when you realize you’re standing in a power dynamic you didn’t choose.
Maybe it happened this week when a policy changed at work without consultation, when a decision got handed down that affects your team but none of you had a voice in it, when you watched someone in authority dismiss concerns without even pretending to listen.
Or maybe it happened watching the news, seeing governments make choices that feel disconnected from the people they’re supposed to serve, watching systems prioritize control over care, witnessing the gap between what’s promised and what’s delivered grow wider.
You feel it in your body before you can name it, that particular frustration that comes from having no say in things that matter to you, that anger at being treated as less-than by people who hold power over your livelihood, your safety, your future.
It’s hard not to notice that many people right now are waking up to the power dynamics they’re caught in. They’re recognizing patterns they’ve lived with for years but never quite saw clearly. And that recognition, uncomfortable as it is, might be the most important thing happening.
Because you can’t change a dynamic you don’t see.
Three Faces of Power
When we talk about power, we’re usually talking about one thing: the ability to make others do what you want, aka power-over. It’s the most visible form, the one that dominates our organizations and politics, and the one that shows up as authority, hierarchy, and control.
There are, however, two other forms of power that matter just as much, especially right now.
Power-within is the power of self-determination, of knowing your own values and acting from them regardless of external pressure. It’s the quiet strength that lets you keep going when things feel overwhelming, the clarity about who you are that no one can take from you, and the capacity to choose your response even when you can’t choose your circumstances.
Power-with is the power of collective action, of people coming together around shared purpose. It’s what happens when individuals realize they’re not alone, when they coordinate their efforts, and when they build something together that none of them could build separately. It’s the power of solidarity, of mutual support, and of “we’re in this together.”
These three forms of power are always operating. The question is, which one are you experiencing right now, and which one do you want to cultivate?
The Trap of Powerlessness
When you’re on the receiving end of power-over dynamics, powerlessness can feel like the truth of your situation. After all, you don’t control the decisions being made above and about you. You can’t single-handedly change the system. You didn’t create these structures and you can’t dismantle them alone.
All of that is true.
What’s also true is that powerlessness is often a story we accept because we’ve been conditioned to think about power in only one way, the power-over way. We think if we’re not the ones making the decisions, we have no power at all.
This is what hierarchies teach us. They concentrate power-over at the top and convince everyone else that they’re powerless, that the only way to have power is to climb the ladder and acquire authority over others, and that until you reach that position, your job is to comply.
What happens when you expand your understanding of power, though, is that you start noticing that you have more of it than you thought.
You realize that your power-within—your clarity about your values, your ability to choose your actions, your capacity to find meaning in your work—exists independent of whether anyone grants you authority.
You recognize that power-with is always available when you connect with others who share your concerns, when you organize, when you support each other, when you speak up together.
These forms of power don’t require permission, and they can’t be taken away by someone with a higher title. They exist regardless of your position in any hierarchy.
Recognizing Where You Stand
So where are you in the power equation right now?
Are you feeling crushed by power-over dynamics, stuck under decisions you didn’t make, policies you don’t agree with, or systems that treat you as a means to someone else’s ends?
Are you recognizing your power-within and that, despite external circumstances, you still have agency over your choices, your values, your responses, and your growth?
Are you finding or building power-with, connecting with others who see what you see, organizing to push back against what’s not working, and creating alternatives together?
What’s interesting is that most of us are standing in all three at once. We’re experiencing power-over from some directions while exercising power-with in our teams or communities, while developing power-within through how we show up each day.
The trap is thinking we have to wait until the power-over dynamics shift before we can act. The possibility is recognizing that we can cultivate power-within and power-with right now, and that doing so actually starts to shift the power-over dynamics we’re caught in.
What This Means for Leaders
If you’re in a leadership position, you’re likely experiencing this from both sides. You might feel powerless in the face of decisions coming from above you while simultaneously recognizing that you hold power over the people you lead.
This is the moment to get clear about what kind of power you want to practice.
You can respond to feeling powerless by tightening your grip on the power you do have, by controlling your team more, by asserting your authority more forcefully, and by making sure that, at least in your domain, you’re the one calling the shots. This is understandable. When we feel threatened, we often try to reclaim a sense of control wherever we can.
However, this just replicates the dynamic that’s causing the problem in the first place. It passes the pain down the chain.
The alternative is to interrupt the pattern. This means refusing to use your positional power as power-over, even when—especially when—you’re on the receiving end of it from above. It means building power-with in your team, even when you’re not experiencing it in the organization. It means modeling power-within by leading from your values rather than from fear or the need to control.
This isn’t easy. It requires recognizing that how you respond to power-over dynamics shapes whether you perpetuate them or disrupt them.
Questions Worth Asking
Wherever you are in the power equation, these questions might help:
If you’re feeling powerless:
- What story am I telling myself about my lack of power? Is it completely true?
- Where do I still have choice, even if it’s just choice about my own actions and responses?
- Who else shares my concerns, and what becomes possible if we connect?
- What would it look like to cultivate power-within right now, regardless of external circumstances?
If you’re exercising power-over (even unintentionally):
- Am I using my authority to control others or to enable them?
- What am I afraid will happen if I share power more broadly?
- How might I be replicating dynamics I don’t believe in because that’s what I’ve been taught leadership looks like?
- What would change if I approached this situation with power-with instead of power-over?
If you’re building power-with:
- Who needs to be part of this conversation who isn’t yet?
- What do we actually share, and what are we building toward together?
- How do we maintain this collective power without creating new hierarchies within our group?
- What support do we need to sustain this effort over time?
A Way Forward
The current moment is clarifying. It’s showing us power dynamics we might have been able to ignore before, and it’s forcing us to recognize where we stand and what we’re willing to accept.
That clarity, as uncomfortable as it is, creates possibility.
You can choose to cultivate power-within by getting clearer about your values, by developing practices that keep you grounded, and by building the internal capacity to act from integrity even when it’s hard.
You can choose to build power-with by reaching out to others, organizing around shared concerns, creating spaces where people support each other, and working collectively toward what you want to see rather than just against what you oppose.
If you hold positional power, you can choose to interrupt power-over dynamics wherever you encounter them, including in yourself. You can practice horizontal leadership, create structures that distribute decision-making authority, and build cultures where people don’t need permission to do good work.
None of this makes the power-over dynamics disappear. Authoritarian systems, oppressive policies, and hierarchical structures don’t vanish just because we shift how we relate to power, but they do lose some of their grip. When enough people cultivate power-within and build power-with, the power-over model starts to feel less inevitable, less like the only way things can be.
You’re Not Alone
If this is resonating and you want support in navigating power dynamics more consciously, whether that’s reclaiming your own sense of agency, learning to lead without defaulting to control, or building more collaborative relationships in your work, coaching can help. I invite you to book a discovery session to explore what you’re navigating and how to move through it with more clarity and intention.
For teams and organizations seeking to shift from power-over to power-with dynamics, I work with leaders to build the structures, practices, and culture that enable collaborative leadership. You can learn more about that work at Transformetic.com.
The power equation isn’t fixed. Where you stand matters, but more importantly, how you respond to where you stand shapes what becomes possible next.
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